Cry me a river. Oh. Cry my a river!

Side note, I love that JT and Jessica got hitched... okay back to why we are all here...

As much as I would love to just sit here and air all the things I want I am trying to keep this as civilized as possible. This is the internet for heaven sakes. So here we go..

    

I have been in Houston for a month now and it has been.. well its been. I don't really have words to describe my Journey thus far. but, It has been hard. Hard in SO many different ways..

When I first got here it was hard because I was missing my family everyday all day and sometimes it was almost unbearable. But that has gotten better. A lot better. Yes I still miss them more than I can express but it isn't so paralyzing as it was before. 

I think its safe to say that this job, this experience is not at all what I thought it was going to be. Some for the better. Most of it for the worse. I am having a hard time dealing with it all. I have times more often than not that I am going about my day and just break down and cry because it is SO much to handle. I was not prepared for this. Not at all. There are a few things about the family that I really enjoy. And there are some that I loath. Thats how things would be with any family but i was not prepared for this. I should probably clarify that the job is not really hard. Like when you write down all the things I have to do each day, yes it is long and some are silly but that doesnt really bother me, I can handle that part. Its the emotional side of things... the things that I am sucked into because I live here. relationship wise.. that probably doesnt even make sense but it does to me okay! ha

A SUPER long interesting yet boring disgusting story later... I am now at a turning point. 

I have realized that for about a week now i've just frankly been in a bad mood. I have let things affect me that maybe I shouldn't have. I didnt really let anyone know that I was in a bad mood or mad or irritated until Thursday. I will admit I did not handle things well that day. That was the day well one of the many days that I realized I am not happy here. Yes I have had some good days that are few and far between but for the most part I am not happy here. Yesterday I decided after talking to my oh so wise and wonderful mother. That I am the only one who can change my situation. No one can change it for me. I am the only one who can decide to be happy no matter what. I am the only one who can change my attitude towards things. And if the time comes I am the only one who can change my surroundings. 

Ive decided to take the whole month of November and try my best to have a better more positive attitude. To try and not let things get to me as much. To try my best to do all that I can to make this a more positive experience. I realize I cannot change peoples actions towards me. All I can do is change the way it affects me. After this month of trying really hard, after trying my best I will then be at a decision point in my life and make some very careful and prayerful choices but until then.... I am going to be a more positive pauly. 

I bought this book a couple of days ago that I thought might help me. Its called, "Now is the time." Its just little "pick me ups" that I will try reading everyday and apply that concept to the day and see if it actually works. Lets be honest. This could just be a whole load of crap but, lets try! 

Today's "pick me up" says...

"Now is the time to... 

Tame your inbox.

stop allowing email to dominate your life

it interrupts your concentration

it puts you in a state of constant anticipation

break the cycle. disconnect

treat it like snail mail

check it once each morning and late afternoon

give yourself time to think."

well.. ha. uh. good one. 

anyway. Maybe I will get better at this blogging thing but who knows! 

But thats all for now folks!